No One Understands You and What to Do About It, by Heidi Halvorson
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No One Understands You and What to Do About It, by Heidi Halvorson
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Have you ever felt you’re not getting through to the person you’re talking to, or not coming across the way you intend? You’re not alone.That’s the bad news. But there is something we can do about it. Heidi Grant Halvorson, social psychologist and bestselling author, explains why we’re often misunderstood and how we can fix that.Most of us assume that other people see us as we see ourselves, and that they see us as we truly are. But neither is true. Our everyday interactions are colored by subtle biases that distort how others see us—and also shape our perceptions of them.You can learn to clarify the message you’re sending once you understand the lenses that shape perception:• Trust. Are you friend or foe?• Power. How much influence do you have over me?• Ego. Do you make me feel insecure?Based on decades of research in psychology and social science, Halvorson explains how these lenses affect our interactions—and how to manage them.Once you understand the science of perception, you’ll communicate more clearly, send the messages you intend to send, and improve your personal relationships. You’ll also become a fairer and more accurate judge of others. Halvorson even offers an evidence-based action plan for repairing a damaged reputation.This book is not about making a good impression, although it will certainly help you do that. It’s about coming across as you intend. It’s about the authenticity we all strive for.
No One Understands You and What to Do About It, by Heidi Halvorson- Amazon Sales Rank: #142876 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-03-24
- Released on: 2015-03-24
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review “Halvorson parses it all and provides workarounds in this fascinating study of perception and self-awareness.” — SUCCESS magazine, Best of 2015“Definitely worth a read.” — Small Business Trends (smallbiztrends.com), Entrepreneurial Survivor Guide’s 10 Books for your NightstandAs seen on Business Insider’s Summer Reading List of “20 Books to Read This Summer That will Make You Smarter about Business.”Featured on Investor’s Business Daily’s Reading List, “Beach Reads for Businesspeople”“If you are exhausted by miscommunication, you might want to read No One Understands You and What to Do About It, by Heidi Grant Halvorson… Halvorson users her social psychology background to discuss ways to improve that communication.” — Tom Fox, Washington Post’s Summer Reading List“… a fascinating book overflowing with fresh insights and advice.” — SUCCESS Magazine"Both as a journalist and merely a working person, it's important to understand what's going on behind the scenes when we interact with others—why intention and perception are often misaligned. This book uses real research to explain just that, and it offers tons of valuable insight into what we can do about it." — Business Insider (businessinsider.com)“If you think you know how others perceive you, and how your verbal and nonverbal messages are being interpreted, read this book—you might be surprised.” — TD magazine (Association for Talent Development)“No One Understands You: And What to Do About It by Heidi Grant Halvorson helps readers close the gap between how they see themselves and how others perceive them, making clear why we are often misunderstood.” — Whitney Johnson as seen on UPS’ Longitudes Bookroom"Suggestion: To connect better with teammates and others read Heidi Grant Halvorson's captivating new book, No One Understands You And What To Do About It." — Kare Anderson, Huffington Post“… a codebook for deciphering one of the grand riddles of life: why don’t others see us as we see ourselves? A renowned psychologist charts the path to making a better impression on others while maintaining a sense of integrity.” — Adam Grant, as seen on LinkedIn“The book offers lots of advice on those three lenses and the broader issue of how you are perceived by others. It’s clearly written, based on research, with lots of examples.” — The Globe and Mail“She offers tools that help every reader show others who they truly are. Interesting, informative, and genuinely useful.” — BizEd magazine“Halvorson, a social psychologist at the Columbia Business School, breaks down decades of research into an enjoyable guide to understanding how people perceive each other, and how this knowledge can make you a better communicator.” — Business Insider (businessinsider.com)ADVANCE PRAISE for No One Understands You and What to Do About It:Daniel H. Pink, author, To Sell Is Human and Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us—“Think you know how you come across? Think again. Using a brilliant combination of stories and science, Heidi Grant Halvorson reveals the gulf between how others perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. But instead of leaving us to lament, she shows us how to contend with this sometimes harsh reality. This is a smart, fascinating, and eminently practical book.”Carol S. Dweck, Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology, Stanford University—“This is a great book. It’s important, it’s riveting, and it’s extremely useful. In fact, it’s essential for anyone who wants to thrive in their social or business world.”David Rock, Director and CEO, NeuroLeadership Institute—“Heidi’s tone and smarts made this book impossible to put down.”Scott Barry Kaufman, Scientific Director, Imagination Institute, Positive Psychology Center, University of Pennsylvania—“Despite your best intentions, your perceptions of people are a mirage, contaminated by your past experiences, needs, and desires. This book will help you see yourself and others accurately—perhaps for the first time.”Art Markman, Annabel Iron Worsham Centennial Professor of Psychology, University of Texas at Austin; author, Smart Thinking and Smart Change—“Heidi Grant Halvorson explores the fascinating research on personal perception. Not only will this book help you to present yourself more effectively, it will also allow you to see the people around you more accurately.” Peter Bregman, CEO, Bregman Partners; author, 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done—“There are so many good reasons to read this book. It’s smart. It’s insightful. It’s helpful. But the best reason might just be that it’s fun. Heidi Grant Halvorson is a great writer—wise, knowledgeable, and charming at the same time. I found myself laughing while I was learning.”Nilofer Merchant, author, 11 Rules for Creating Value in the Social Era—“There is deep power in knowing how to have people see you as only you are.”David Burkus, author, The Myths of Creativity—“Being an authentic leader means being perceived authentically. Halvorson masterfully combines research and story to outline why we’re misunderstood and how to be seen for who we really are.”Adam Grant, Class of 1965 Chaired Professor of Management, Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania; New York Times bestselling author, Give and Take—“This is a code book for deciphering one of the great riddles of life: why don’t others see us as we see ourselves? With fascinating facts and memorable examples, renowned psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson shows us the path to making a better impression on others while maintaining a sense of integrity.”Robert I. Sutton, Professor of Management Science and Engineering, Stanford University; author, The No Asshole Rule—“The best book ever written on why it is so difficult for us humans to communicate with others and what we can do about it. I was blown away by the masterful weave of stories, rock-solid evidence, and, especially, advice that I can use right now to get my message across without confusing or pissing off the other people in my life.”
About the Author Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, is a social psychologist and Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at Columbia Business School. She is the author of four bestselling books, including Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, as well as a regular contributor to leading publications, including Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, WSJ.com, and Psychology Today.
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Most helpful customer reviews
83 of 87 people found the following review helpful. Very Insightful, Reliable, and Highly Recommended By Renaissance This book is about the way people perceive you, which in turn also enlightens you on how you perceive others. The book goes into detail about the various shortcuts people consciously and unconsciously take in forming their impressions of you. It describes how there are 2 levels of perception, the first level begins with the almost entirely automatic assessment that occurs on first impression, and then if interactions continue, there may be a 2nd level where people refine their perceptions of you. The 2nd level is your only hope if you form a bad first impression. Readers of "Thinking, Fast and Slow" will recognize this concept.The most helpful parts of the book for me were the sections that talk about people's various filters or "lenses" that color their perceptions of you. For instance, there is the ego lens, which can cause people to see others with more talent or abilities as a threat. Then there is the power lens, which can cause people to totally disregard you and your rights. There is too much here to list every detail. The bottom line of it all, is that you are not given an impartial, unbiased, fair shake by anyone you meet, not likely anyways. This is could help you (the "halo effect") or hinder you, and this book will help you understand how all this works.One final thing I will say about this book, which may be more important than anything else, is that the author relies on peer reviewed research to come to her conclusions. She is a genuine expert on what science really says about this topic. What this means is that this book is not a waste of time like so much of the self-help literature out there. Everything in here is supported by evidence, and the book gives many of the interesting details of how this research was conducted.
88 of 100 people found the following review helpful. Limited and Disappointing By MMartini Let me save you $12.49 and the 30 minutes it takes to read the book.1) People look at you through a lifetime of their own experiences and biases--and there's very little you can do about it.2) People usually are too busy to look deeper.3) Make a good first impression because it's very difficult to change their initial judgement.4) Smile, make eye contact (in American culture but beware in other cultures) and be authentic.5) Consider the probable perspective of your audience and frame your message accordingly.6) Don't be a threat.7) If you need to correct a bad impression, you must work hard to get the person to look at you more closely.8) Reciprocate.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful. How to make a better impression on people By T. Wedell-Wedellsborg Excellent and practical book on perception management. The author shares a lot of good, research-based advice on how to make a better first (or second) impression on people you meet, including how to deal with high-power individuals, and how to avoid some common traps when interacting with other people. The advice in Chapter 9 in particular - on how you can overcome a bad first impression - is worth the price of the book alone.Also, the book is written in a straightforward, personal voice with lots of humor. Great and useful read.
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